THE BIGGEST RED FLAG IN A RELATIONSHIP,MY DARLINGS:

My darlings, brace yourselves — here comes a text best read out loud, accompanied by the sound of your own jaw hitting the floor.

Red flag number one in relationships is not other women’s likes under his photos and not the waitress who knows his favorite coffee. It’s a man who is lazy and stingy… with himself.

Yes, that very one who strokes his life like a cat the wrong way, just to avoid buying a better shampoo.

At first, he steps onto the stage with a fireworks display of gestures: brings you a bouquet the size of a plaster Jesus from a roadside chapel, promises a trip to Tokyo together, and buys chocolate more expensive than your dinner. You already hear wedding bells and think the Universe has finally decided to apologize for last year’s disasters.

But no — it’s just a low-budget trailer for the movie “Saving on Everything.” 

A month later, he’ll be cutting your pizza into seven and a half slices so that “nothing goes to waste” and he has “something for tomorrow.”

He’ll say, “I’m just a minimalist.”In reality, his minimalism spreads to your dreams, your spontaneous walks, and even to the number of kisses.I’ve seen men like this: they can give you a bottle of wine — and then suggest returning the empty bottle for the deposit.That’s not a partnership.

That’s a cashier’s job in the supermarket of other people’s expectations.

Life is too short to spend it with someone who protects himself from happiness as if it were contagious.

You don’t need an accountant of emotions.

You need a partner who laughs loudly, spends sincerely, and if he conquers you at all, it’s not to later start saving on napkins.

Because generosity is not about money. It’s about the courage to live broadly — even if dinner is dumplings and your plans are worth millions.

And here’s one more surprise from fate: if a man is already lazy with himself at the starting line, in a real crisis he may choose not to save you from a sinking boat — but to calculate the cost of a bucket and a rope.

So take care of your wings, girls.

Generosity of the soul is not measured in discount coupons, and love does not survive on a dry ration of counted coins.

Tested by my own bumps, laughter until tears, and by those very bouquets that wilt faster than the first romantic promises fade.